Yesterday, for the first time in over sixteen years, I went back to Homecoming at the University of Missouri with my dad. We sat on the first row, right on the sideline—closer to the field than I’d been since my cheerleading days. I saw old friends, soaked in the energy of the stadium, and for just a few hours, let myself just be. It was special. It was needed.
It was also a reminder.
My parents have been my lifeline since I became a single mom. They’ve stepped in for me and with me more times than I can count. They’ve helped carry the weight of raising not just children, but two children with autism—one non-verbal with sensory processing disorder, and one high-functioning with OCD and anxiety. Parenting on the spectrum requires more than love and patience. It requires a team, and sometimes it feels like the team is far too small.
The Village We Build
The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” has never felt more true. My village is my parents, my siblings, a few close friends, and the professionals who step into Ella and Luke’s world with compassion and consistency. Without them, we couldn’t get through the daily storms of sleepless nights, rigid routines, meltdowns, doctor appointments, IEP meetings, and the countless invisible battles no one sees.
But as much as our personal villages matter, there’s only so much they can do. Parents like me carry an unspoken fear—what happens when our village can’t carry the load anymore?
The Village We Need
Here’s the truth: parents cannot live forever as caregivers. That reality keeps many of us up at night. We know the clock is ticking, and we desperately need a stronger safety net for our children once they step into adulthood.
We don’t need another ribbon campaign or catchy slogan. We need more funding for group homes and supported living. We need programs that provide meaningful employment and day services for adults with developmental disabilities. We need more trained staff who are paid enough to stay. We need systems that recognize the long-term reality of autism, not just the cute early intervention years.
Because the day will come when our children will outlive us. And right now, too many of us wonder: Who will step in then?
From Sidelines to Systems
Sitting on the sideline at Mizzou reminded me of cheering all those years ago. Back then, I was part of a team that lifted each other up, that worked together to create something bigger than any one person could do alone. That’s what raising kids with autism should feel like—families, communities, and government linked together, supporting not just the child, but the whole family across a lifetime.
It takes a village, yes. But it also takes resources, policies, and the will to build systems that last longer than any of us will. Until then, parents like me will keep sounding the alarm: we are doing our part. Now we need our leaders to do theirs.
